wow-crazy-a new post from kat

ummm, nyeah, not having a computer sucks. this shall be fixed, eventually, perhaps when i'm able to figure out how to save money properly. im working enough right now to be able to afford one soon it's just impossible for me to keep important things like money organized. actually invoicing my work would probably also help, you know so i can get paid.

yeah, organization not a strong point for me. i'm working on it. one of my many resolutions for this year. it goes along well with eating better, cutting drugs out of my life and being more respectful to myself and others. i've realized that i've been in a very ego-centric place and for this reason i've hurt a lot of people i never meant to. i hate that this has happened and i know that it's because i have trouble being honest about my feelings. i'm getting to a better place now, the world is starting to make a little more sense to me( sometimes).

i've doing pretty good though. i'm working lot's and loving it(most of the time, like when i'm not exhausted). I've become somewhat reclusive this year though. going out at night is still really hard, in fact in some ways it got harder but mostly it's just that i've stoped living in denial of the dangers that exist out there for small women who walk alone at night. i'd like to be able to feel confident getting around by my self but it's still hard. the anger is finally coming out, overshadowing a lot of the self doubt that previously controlled me. i've finally come to terms with the fact that i will never be the person i was before i was attacked, trying to deny that would be foolish. i miss that person but i'm trying to find strength in what i have now and in the positive things that have come to me as a result of the attack.

I'm currently spending some time with my family in the house that is so hard for me to come back to. i feel really bad that the attack has caused me to dread going home to vist my parents who themselves have been nothing but supportive to me but the thought of walking down that street again always makes me anxious. lots of things make me anxious still, like tall people coming up to me from behind, taking the bus at night, male aggression. but anyways, i should go spend some more time with my family.